Absolute Wedding

This last weekend I was in a wedding in the Chicago region…pictures are included after this entry. From beginning to end it was crazy-jazz.

The Rehearsal…
People were late the pastor was creepy. All to end with the pastor only going over things once…asking if there were any questions…never really answered the questions being asked. Not even the organist that come with the church had her questions answered. Then only for him to disappear minutes later. Later we found out that the pastor had a Chicago Bears exhibition game to attend. All I was thinking was “geez sorry the the inconvince of the rehearsal”.

The Rehearsal Dinner…
We show up at a totally cute little Café that Drew’s parents rented for the night. The second we walk in the door we were offered Champaine or Wine? I get myself a glass of wine. Mike’s askes for a beer or pop…there was none to be offered….weird right? Then before we know it ladies with trays of hors d’oeuvers surround us…of course we try a little of this a little of that. Then we start talking to John a guy from Wisconsin. We start talking how we’d love to have a beer….then I remember I know I saw something in the cooler and I thought it was Miller lite. So John goes and investigates…he comes back with a hand full of Miller Lite. They only had a couple is why they weren’t going to serve them. So John told us to drink up there weren’t many….and before long Miller Lite bottles were everywhere and our secret beer was no longer secret. After about an hour of tons of hors d’oeuvers…dinner was served. It was quite elegant….they even went as far to put a pureed basil sauce on my sorbet. It was a little bit too high class for my blood. Then it was on to speeches and gifts. I open my gift only to find real pearl earrings to wear the day of the wedding. I was quite surprised.

We had a great time and then headed home around 9-ish. On our way there I realized that we passed my friend Maria’s house, which was crazy since Mike and I just had a map and weren’t quite sure where we were at! So we called her on our way back to our executive suite at the embassy suites ( so kindly provided by Drew and Olga) and had her meet us there for a few beers and to chat it up it our pimp-a-licious room. It was so great to be able to see her while I was in the area.

The Wedding Day…
We meet at 1:30pm at the church to get our hair done and get Olga ready. We were all having fun getting ready and what not…..only to realize it was 3:00pm and one of bridesmaids, Zoya, was still not there. No worries she freak’n strolls in around 3:15 when the wedding starts at 3:30 with her dress waded up in her hands. I don’t know how Olga was holding herself together….I honestly would have beat her ass. She said no one told her what time to be there so she thought 3:15 was okay. Mine you all of us had a discussed the day before and yes she was there too to be there no later than 2:00. Oh it gets even better…she puts on her Royal Blue dress on with her closed toed Navy Blue high-heels ….when we clearly agreed on silver open-toe shoes. Then I take a closer look when I realized she freak’n altered her own dress which was about 3 inches too short so your could see all of her disgusting shoes…..oh and she must of decided it wasn’t necessary to steam it or iron it…so the fold marks and wrinkles were there in all their glory. Then I realized she wasn’t even freak’n wearing a bra!!!! It was out of control…I swear if it were my wedding I would have beat her ass! Olga took it well and ignored her. The wedding ceremony was beautiful accept for the part where Zoya tried to give the pastor Drew’s ring when it clearly wasn’t time yet and she was wondering after the pastor when he was on the other side getting Olga’s ring. Oh well. Then it was on to pictures. While we were waiting our turn… I see out of the corner of my eye that Zoya is behind the alter on the side posing all seductive gross style for her boyfriend (who was also freak’n nasty) to take her picture. Then on to the Limo ride. It was fun and we all Champainged it up. Only out of no where for Zoya to ask if Olga was returning her dress tomorrow since “don’t you rent them?”…….I couldn’t take it anymore…..I laughed right it her face.

The Reception…
We walk into the most beautiful room with every table full of fabulously arranged hors d’oeuvers…..from boiled duck to a crazy fish with cream cheese coming out it’s eye balls to red caviar to calamarie salad….yea WOW! To top off the tables a big ole bottle of Absolute Vodka was there to accompany the spread…along with an open bar. Hors d’oeuvers lasted 3 hours long which I didn’t eat much since it was kinda too fancy-smancy for my liking….then there was some dancing… finally at 9:30 dinner was served….by this time it was almost too late the drinks were kicking in. Mike let me know at the end of the night they brought to each table plates of different desserts….he said I was going to the tables and eating all the cheesecake all gross style….hahaha. The night got a little blurry. When I awoke the night morning my hair was still glued to my head and my makeup was still on…..and the room was spinning a little.

I’d like to take this time to give McDonalds the breakfast of champions (after drinking) a shout out and special thank you for saving my life on Sunday….the end.